If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
