So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I intend to get homeless drunk
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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