Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
