okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
