tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
