ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
