Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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