woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
