I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
