I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
