do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
