Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
