weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
