somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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