Small penises have feelings too.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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