she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
