so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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