A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
