I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
