I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
are you so shy because you have an std?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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