He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
