The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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