How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he was CRYING into my vagina
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
