i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
