Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
