My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
MIDGETS
????
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
