is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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