Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
