New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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