My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
