I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
