someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
