Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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