Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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