She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
