were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
