I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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