imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
