yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
