My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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