I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
