Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
