I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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