Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
