I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My pussy is not your playground.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
