I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
