The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
