i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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