So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
