After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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